Things are going okay. Im getting anxious about the weight thing already. I just started on full portions today and can already feel the difference in fullness. That fullness in my stomach gets my ass, stomach, legs and arms feeling fat automatically. I am trying to be logical about this but I really dont believe that I havent gained a ton of weight already. I feel like I am at a good weight and it should be left at that. I know that I was achieving my weight in an unhealthy way but part of me still thinks its an okay weight, I just need to maintain it in a healthier way. Sometimes I think my thinking might be slightly illogical but right now I do not think that. I think things are just fine, that I could leave IP and be okay right now but THAT I know is not the case. Im really scared to leave because I dont want to go back to the ED but Im also trying to stay in the present moment.
Right now we are watching "Confessions of a Shopaholic," a movie we could not watch at CFC. I read all the books in the series. I know the movie isnt going to be as good, that I can already tell.
I dont know how long I will be here. Tomorrow is treatment planning so I guess I will get an idea then. I am guessing Ill be here until at least Sunday. Who knows if they will keep me past that. It seems like a lot of people are leaving after 10 days which is such a stupid thing. Unless you have a lot of weight to gain, they dont think you need to be here. All I am going to is 12 hours of DBT. I dont know if I will work. I dont like my job and I really think I need something that is not around food and something that gives me more meaning in my life. On the other hand its good money for doing basically nothing.
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