Wow..Im so glad yesterday is over. I dont know what was wrong. I woke up and went to see Helene. The roads were AWFUL so I had to leave early. I still managed to call Alexis on the way (friend who was on home pass from CFC). Im going to miss talking to her but hopefully she is only there for another month or so. Appt with Helene was good. I think it was just me processing out loud and confirming to myself I can recover. I lied at check in and said I ate breakfast which I didnt. When Angela asked me about it I confessed right away. I know I cannot start lying. I did purge slightly (what is slightly, its still a purge, yes?) when I left early at 330 for work training. I just felt dizzy and unbalanced all day and for some reason I thought this would help?? Anyway, I went to work and filled out paper work. After that I did have fleeting suicidal thoughts. Im not sure why. I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. $$ especially. I dont know what is going to get me through the next 3 weeks. I have paid bills and paid rent and I just have NO money. None. I have about $30 to get me through the month. I am taking 2 pairs of my boots to Plato's but I dont officially start working until March. I also got out my 3 prom dresses that I am going to try and sell on CL because they are very classic and can still be worn. I came home and finally ate dinner around 8. I was going to go to the conditioning class at 7 and feel lazy because I didnt go. Im still struggling with that. And because I purged I am choosing to not go to the gym today. Angela and I set up that if I purge I cannot go to the gym the next day. As much as I want to ignore that I know that if I am choosing recovery I need to stay away from there today. My legs feel awful...like they are melting? Gross. I dont have any food so I dont know if I will get breakfast in today :( Being this broke is scary.